What is Jay thinking?

Movin' Out...

2008-07-05T10:01:00.002-04:00

I totally wanted to quote the song in the title, but I can't remember the lyrics and for some reason I don't have that much Billy Joel in my iTunes library... strange, because I thought I had a bunch of his songs. Oh well.

... anyhow, as for this blogging 'bidness, I am not entirely done with it. I just don't get around to doing it that much. I also feel a little limited by Blogger's templates and settings. Since I can't code well enough to design my own templates, I really can't break out of the looks that they give me here. Plus, the online editor is not very fully featured or flexible. Blogger is a great service, but it's not the one for me.

Keeping this in mind, I am moving over to WordPress... no offense Google/Blogger... I just want to use a service that has a little more flexibility and better reputation as a blog host.

If'n you want to follow me... you can click here.

It's still a work in progress... but I am going to play with it over this weekend and see what I like.

Orioles Magic

2008-04-06T16:19:00.005-04:00

wow... just saw the exciting comeback win on TV. I don't know what it is, but the O's look more like a baseball team already... only five games into the season. Sole possession of first place and a small, excited group of fans.

I don't feel that I am a fair weather 'Birds watcher, but I have long languished in the despair and angst so many other Orioles fans have shared for the past decade. To see them come out of the gate playing as a team, making big plays and just trying to win is very refreshing. I still don't expect a finish better than .500 this season, but the few games I've watched or followed in print already indicate that Orioles Magic may be reborn already. (was listening to Amber interview Luke Scott and Orioles Magic was being blasted throughout the ballpark)

Hopefully I'll be able to afford to go to a couple games this season after missing out entirely last season... being house poor sucks, but I know this is where I'm supposed to be right now. At least I have cable... even though MASN frequently seems to have some technical issues.

I think I'll go out and take a walk now. The trees and bushes are blossoming and it's rather nice outside (despite being overcast).

(back from walk now)

here are a couple shots...

and a couple more...

you can really tell that I'm using a compact digital for these, because of the blurring on the edges; however, for a consumer camera it does take some incredibly clear images. I use a Kodak EasyShare v610 Dual Lens... it was a higher end compact when I bought it two years ago, and I still think it does nicely.

well...

2008-04-02T10:21:00.009-04:00

This guy has a lot of time on his hands... but he's the most amazing model builder I have ever seen. Check out his website.

The pictures here are some that I took while at the Conowingo Dam a few weeks ago... my little camera takes good pictures, but the optics sometimes compromise the quality of the edges (vignettes, chromatic aberrations etc...). I didn't feel like editing them, so they are here in raw form (squeezed into a manageable size by Blogger). If'n you click on 'em, they get real big like...

Here's a sunset I shot a few months back... it's that magic time when the sun is just about set and the last rays of light just make the colors pop... it's a really awesome sight.

I don't have anything to talk about...

2008-04-01T21:28:00.000-04:00

maybe I will tomorrow.

Good night.

well, this election year has been... exciting.

2008-03-05T07:39:00.002-05:00

I'm not much of a politico, but, this election year has been a little less than exciting. Sen. McCain has now run away with the presumptive nomination of the Republican party, while the two Democrats are arguing with each other like spoiled, petulant children. At least this can be said about the Republicans: they got their $hit together... still a long way off to the RNC and they have a candidate to unite behind, while the Democrats are still trying to figure out which barrier they want to break first.

I really haven't been paying that much attention, mainly because I have so many other things that demand my focus more so than this race... but the fact that it has been somewhat lackluster would certainly account for a lack of interest. It seemed that every primary day, the Republicans were losing a candidate, and that the two 800lb gorillas of the Democrats were just smashing their own party rivals into submission while taking a few swipes at each other. That's not exciting... it's pathetic. There really is no clear, strong leader among the three remaining candidates... no one that really has all the tools to drag this country out of the doldrums. The question is going to have to be, who is the more effective manager and who has the more qualified group of people behind them to get things done?

The only exciting thing for me in this election year is the fact that I'm finally hopping off the fence and picking a side (while staying very close to the moderate side of the cow pasture). Which side? That's not really important at this time, but at least I know who I can put my faith and my vote behind. We'll see come November how this all pans out... hopefully there will be some excitement between now and then.

good bye piggy...

2008-03-01T08:50:00.002-05:00

last night the guinea pig died. I'm not terribly broken up about it, I knew that he was nearing the end a while ago. The hardest part was sitting next to him while he passed... at least he was not alone for his final moments.

Now comes the morbid task of having to bury him. Not exactly how I planned to enjoy my Saturday, but oh well.

a word on coffee...

2008-02-29T08:22:00.003-05:00

after sampling coffees from both McDonald's and Dunkin' Donuts, I feel that I am adequately prepared to comment on the quality and flavor of each. Why? Because I see a rising popularity with some of these chain places for their coffees and I feel that I need to comment on it.

I think I can sum it all up in one phrase that I use quite often (because it is a universal maxim in which we all should guide our purchases with):

You get what you pay for.

There's a reason the specialty coffee places are so much more expensive... because the product is better. Actually there are a lot of reasons why it's more expensive, but this is the main one. My main gripe is that Americans seem to think that the evil clown and the dotheads have better coffee than say, Starbucks. I admit, SBX is a little strong... but that's sort of how coffee is supposed to taste, kids. Coffee has a very strong, sometimes bitter initial taste on the palate and as the aroma rises up through your sinus cavity, you pick up other flavors and notes... sometimes even a natural sweetness (as can be found in a good shot of espresso). In fact coffee's intense aromas are often used in the perfume trade to 'cleanse' the sinuses after sampling a fragrance, by sniffing a cup of fresh roasted beans.

The coffee tradition was brought here from Europe, where strong coffee is as plentiful as quality wine and decent drinking water. We aren't Europeans, I know that, JimBob 'Merrican... but the point that I am trying to make is that the tradition isn't respected and that we have allowed ourselves to be fooled into drinking cheap, flavorless coffee because it's cheaper to buy, process and sell at a lower price, while still making a pretty decent profit. International Delights and CoffeeMate don't help the matter, because I see fat-ass housefrauen dropping half a bottle of French Vanilla or Irish Creme into their morning coffee... why? Because the coffee doesn't taste like anything, so why not make it taste like something we like? That's the logic behind it.

Like eyecare, I am passionate about coffee... mainly because I worked in the industry for a while. I have had both excellent coffee and crummy stuff and I have been shown the difference by my past employers. They all said that the problem is the market is so over-flooded with junk. The stuff at the grocery store isn't much better... hell, even the Starbuck's choices I'd steer clear of. You don't know how long that stuff has been sitting, and coffee is like any other perishable good in that it goes bad over time... even faster if it's ground.

I am not advocating anyone stop buying coffee from the chains or drinking the cheap stuff... if you're cheap about coffee and don't mind poor quality, I won't ever be able to change your mind. I just ask that you do find a moment in your lives to check out a good cup of coffee somewhere, sometime (don't resort to Starbuck's, either)... there's all kinds of little independent cafes tucked in around your area. Just look for them and go in with an open mind... you and they will both be happy that you did.

after last night...

2008-02-26T21:45:00.002-05:00

I figure I should lighten up a little... after I got all that stress up off my chest. My job gets to me sometimes and I just have to blow it all out to feel better. So, with that in mind... I have a few links that I collected while aimlessly stumbling.

Amazing Drum Solo: a video of the 2005 DCI Individual Tenors Champ, playing a solo he composed himself. I've seen a few decent drummers over the years, but what this guy did is amazing... awesome, even.

TROOPS: a parody of COPS, but with Imperial Storm Troopers. Good for a chuckle.

What does your brand of Sci-Fi say about your outlook on the future? Check it out here.

Dumb bumper sticker idea.

Have Fun.

patients from hell...

2008-02-25T19:42:00.002-05:00

I know now why I can never be a doctor... I don't have patience for the patients from hell.

I mean the kind that whine or have totally unrealistic expectations or the ones that are just non-compliant. I had to deal with one today. If I ever have to deal with people like this on a regular basis, hari kari is an option I am willing to consider.

This patient, a completely non-compliant soft contact lens wearer (using the "I'm poor, so I decided to take some liberties with lens care" excuse), that stretched out her monthly disposable lenses out to about 4 months a pair. Alright, first thing's first- if you can't afford to pay your frickin' bills you probably shouldn't be wearing contact lenses since they are like a constant investment - a somewhat expensive investment especially if you don't have any kind of vision plan.

Second, when you stretch out lenses like that, you WILL cause serious damage to your eyes. There's no argument against this... and this damage may be irreversible. One of the other problems is that you will cause swelling of the cornea (corneal oedema), that can really f**k up your vision for a while. This patient has significant swelling, and since they WILL NOT consider discontinuing wear of contacts, we have re-fit them into a daily disposable lens. The swelling has subsided some, but their vision will continue to shift until the swelling goes down and it won't go down as easily as it should since this person cries that they are too poor to buy eyeglasses but wants LASIK so bad.

Best corrected, this person is not even 20/20. I flipped lenses for about 10 minutes this afternoon before I just hung it up and said, "you really need to stop wearing lenses for about a week." The patient proceeds to give me sob stories and B.S. excuses... but it's falling on deaf ears. I am to the point that I just don't care anymore because they do not care about the fact that they are doing herself harm by not listening to me or 'Doc (who really is like first-generation don't give a f**k, after dealing with this person for years). The swelling is decreasing, but not nearly as quickly as it should. If this person had listened and stopped wearing lenses instead of pissing and moaning last week about not being able to see because their glasses are so out of date (something else I really loathe about some CL patients), the swelling would have subsided and we may have had a good situation.

But that isn't the case and I will probably have to dicker with this patient and burn up trial inventory for a month. Since 'Doc doesn't want to deal with this patient's whining and bitching (this person will sit in the exam chair and cry (yes, sobbing) about being blind - I'm more nearsighted than she is!) he basically is giving her what she wants, but on his terms... that doesn't mean he is making it easy for us to get this patient to see better or making her more compliant.

Because of people like this I don't think I could ever be a doctor or own my own practice. The first person like the one I mentioned that would come along would make me want to kill.

Why?

Let me lay it down for you, oh intrepid reader (and potential non-compliant contact lens wearer)... If you want to wear contact lenses there are some costs you need to consider as well as the kind of doctor you're seeing. First, to do it right is not cheap and good O.D.'s are hard to find - because you won't find good ones at America's Best, Sears, Wal*Mart or any of those other chain places.

The good docs are the ones that are good enough to stay in business independently. They own their own practice, which means they are invested in their revenue stream (i.e. YOU, the patient). The fees usually are higher, but the level of care will be substantially higher and you can skimp on your cable tv or buy a few less DVDs or whatever to save up the cost of a good annual eye exam and contact lens fitting (besides, what good is that crap if you can't see it).

The fitting itself should be absolutely separate from the eye exam (because they are two completely unrelated procedures). The eye exam is to determine your total eye health and secondarily your refractive error (your prescription). A contact lens fitting is the process in which all the data from the exam is considered and a lens fit is designed to best serve your own personal vision needs. It's not as simple as 'here's a pair of Acuvue brand lenses, because you saw the ad on TV and you want to throw them away every payday'.

That's only for soft contacts, rigid lenses are a completely different animal and require considerably more time and money (but, the lenses are not disposable and can last a lot longer, not to mention the vision can be far better). Anyhow, you can expect to spend at least $360 just a good soft lens for a year, and at least $100 for a fitting and any kind of testing that a doctor might do to establish that your cornea is stable enough and has no kind of uneven curvature (irregular astigmatism or worse, keratoconus). Care products will probably run you about $200 a year for good stuff (I endorse Clear Care, Aquify or Opti-Free), because the store brand is no better than tap water and re-wetting drops are almost always a must to maintain comfort and clarity. So, expect to spend around $700 a year for soft contacts... doing it the right way. Oh, and don't forget to get an updated pair of glasses, because not having updated glasses when wearing contact lenses is like skydiving without a backup chute.

If you can't budget that kind of expense into your life... go buy yourself a pair of eye glasses (a good pair will be about half of what contacts will run you) and save your pennies. Contact lenses are a LUXURY ITEM for most people and are only a secondary means to correct vision if you can't afford to pay your household bills or feed yourself... don't even think about contacts.

This is why I am pissed at the patient I ranted about above... I have a 50-year old person that still can't even get their priorities in line telling me how I am going to take care of their eyesight when they couldn't even follow the simple rules of contact lens wear.

I feel much better now... *rant over*

What are you thinking?

2008-02-24T19:50:00.002-05:00

cool new toy... you can now send me voicemails through my Blogger!!

I don't have anything to talk about...

2008-02-24T18:47:00.003-05:00

Nothing is really going on right now, but I feel that I should make an entry.

Here is a new link for you to check out (I know someone in particular will get a laugh out of this): http://www.blaccuweather.com/

If you're a Family Guy fan, you will know why this is funny... if you're a bit of a bigot, you'll laugh too.

Oh, you know you can take online classes like the smart kids at Yale now? Yeah, they have something called Open Yale Courses where you can basically take a course offered at that school online for free. It's not for credit, but if you're like me and like expanding your horizons, it's interesting. Other schools have similar programs (Harvard, MIT ...) so get out there and learn something!

That is all. Good Day (er, night).

days off

2008-02-20T09:34:00.002-05:00

I love days off... especially in the middle of the week. I can just sit on the couch and watch the world go by.

I also make the best meals on off days... tonight, I think I'll be doing some grilled pizzas. In preparation, I am going to go get a few heads of garlic and roast 'em. Roasted garlic is fabulous stuff, mainly because it's so versatile. In this application, I'll spread it over the crust before layering on sliced provolone and then tomatoes. Good eatin' there, kids. If you want a quick and entertaining tutorial on how to roast garlic, check out Ree at The Pioneer Woman Cooks!

There's a total lunar eclipse tonight too!! wicked! Too bad I left my tripod at work, or I'd set up my video camera to film it.

Well, I'm going to head downstairs and play some golf on the Wii... I recently became addicted to Tiger Woods PGA Tour so I'll probably spend at least an hour flailing around with that.

l8r.

random ramblings...

2008-02-19T09:50:00.002-05:00

blogging from work is cool... kinda like sex in a public place (I hear Breaking the Law playing in my head... and yes, I know what the song means).

So, Splenda is supposed to be bad for us as well as other artificial sweeteners... but why does it have to taste so good?

"I'm not a fig plucker or the fig plucker's son, but I'll pluck figs until the fig plucking 's done."

if Diet Coke is supposed to be a diet soft drink, what is Coke Zero?? Why isn't it called Diet Coke Zero?? What's the deal with Diet Coke Plus, why do I need to have a vitamin and mineral enhanced soft drink... is this supposed to be making me feel good about drinking something I probably should not be drinking in the first place?

On driving...

2008-02-16T11:35:00.002-05:00

I drive a lot. I drive about 90 miles a day to and from work. That works out to roughly 450 miles (sometimes more) a week. In my travels, I encounter a lot of traffic and because of the route I take to work, I see a lot of out of state drivers. I feel that my impression of some states is almost entirely driven (no pun intended) by the drivers I encounter from them.

Take Delaware, for example, I see a great deal of folks from this little state every day on the road. They are probably the most insane, rude, arrogant and reckless drivers on the road (New Jersey, you're probably just a bit worse). I can actually tell when I have a driver from DE behind me, because I can't tell what make the car is and I can see what color eyes they have. I was even rear-ended by a guy from DE a few months back because he was trying to smell what I had for lunch. Why do they drive so damned badly? Are they just pissed because they live in a small state, or that they have to drive to MD every day for a decent job? Why are they so arrogant? They have no sales tax, BFD, I could care less about the six cents per dollar I have to pay now (thanks to the Teflon Leprechaun, whom I will rant on in the future). They do have a little nicer state highway system than the other surrounding states, but, who cares about that when they are scaring the hell out me in my state?

My overall impression of Delaware people based on driving behaviour: arrogant, thoughtless and just plain rude. I have plenty of interaction with them in other ways, since I am only a few minutes from the state line and I can say that this is confirmed every time I visit my little neighbor to the east. I like the state, but the people generally just suck.

Nicest people I meet on the road? Mostly folks from the midwest, Ohio is excluded (they are like Delaware's big brother in this regard). Californians also seem to drive very politely most of the time.

Worst people? Other than the three I mentioned- Maryland (road rage was born here), 'D.C., Virginia, Pennsylvania, New York and North Carolina (it's no wonder why so many professional racers come from or are based in N.C.).

I used to be a rager, but I am glad to say that I have calmed dramatically, although I do get irked on occasion by some buttwipe that scares the heck out of me.

It's the most miserable time of the year...

2007-12-10T19:19:00.000-05:00

I don't mean that in a bad way, really!

I am miserable at this time of the year because of all the hustle and bustle of preparing for holidays and having to balance that with work and just daily life. I just get miserable after Thanksgiving and I don't really cheer back up until some time after New Year's. I'm not grumpy, just tired and frustrated.

Commuting is also a pain during this time of year, with the increased number of people on the roads. My daily commute is no picnic as it stands now, but add to it the people traveling to and fro for holiday business and you have a damn mess. I think that's probably the one thing I am not liking about my work right now... commuting in the Baltimore area sucks, especially if you are coming from well outside of the metro area, if you didn't know that already. Besides the commute, things are great.

Holiday Open House went off like a smashing success, thanks to all those that came and an extra thanks for those who came with gifts, we certainly weren't planning on people bringing anything but it was a very nice surprise. Thanks most of all to my MIL, who is like Martha Stewart but with a much more gregarious personality. The whole house looked like it was out of a magazine and she was largely responsible for that. Lord knows, if it was just left to Leslee and myself it probably wouldn't have gone so well, since neither one of us has the gifts the MIL has.

Anyhow, I can't post more right now, but I'll be sure to when I can.

Well here's what's up with me.

2007-11-04T21:00:00.000-05:00

Busy as usual, folks.

Work is busy, but then again, it's better now than it has been in months. I am more of an assistant to the 'doc now rather than being stuck in the dispensary and lab all the time. This is especially good for me because I have been needing a change of pace for a while now and working in a lab that isn't actually a lab kinda sucks for someone that used to make lenses rather than just putting them into frames or working with patients from the retail aspect of the business (which I hate more than anything because I hate dealing with money). Yeah, run-on sentences are fun. I enjoy the work I do now, because patient care has been something I have more interest in to begin with, not to mention I really enjoy the medical and technological aspects of my new role.

I don't really have a title... although I should demand one. I guess you could call me a paraoptometric technician, because most of my responsibilities fall within that career description. I am a certified dispensing optician and I am sitting for an exam to be certified as a contact lens dispenser later this month. So, if I don't post for a while, it is most likely due to the fact I am studying for the test.

I am going to hopefully be buying a new car this month too, I am waiting for the '08 Malibu models to arrive at Williams (Chevy dealership up in Elkton). They are really nice vehicles, comparable to the Camry or Accord but cheaper and a little bigger. The biggest bonus is that I get a little bit of a price break because Leslee's grandfather is a retired GM employee. The Durango is bleeding me financially with the amount of driving I do, so much so that I can afford to take a big jump in car payment to save on gas and still manage to save about $100 a month. Yeah, V8 engines suck when you drive close to 100 miles a day.

We will not be hosting a house warming party, but rather a holiday open house. It's set to go on the 1st of December from 2 until 8 or so. Invitations are forthcoming (MIL is going to have them printed this week... she's our party planner, because she's so damned good at it).

That's all I can think of now... I'll have another passage from Tao Te Ching later this week... keep coming back, folks!

kthanxbai!!

MySpace

2007-10-24T21:46:00.000-04:00

I ranted about MySpace before, I think... but, this time it's the last time.

I posted a final blog entry there tonight, stating that I will no longer update my profile and that it will summarily be deleted in the near future.

Why do I dislike MySpace? Well, it all starts with the fact that they take personal expression way too far with the profiles. The crap that people put up just bloats the page, increases load time and just pisses me off when I try to check up on someone I know. Being an individual is one thing, but making a page that is basically useless to anyone without a supercomputer on a T1 connection, because it's so overwhelmed with graphics (mostly linked from other sites) and media. I feel that less is more and Blogger allows me to be very expressive without a bunch of sweeteners.

It's all in what you like, I guess. I am not trying to put anyone down, except for the people in charge of MySpace for allowing the bloat to continue. The load those servers are under has got to be terrible... it once took five minutes to log into my profile. That's ridiculous. I'm not an IT guy but I have a feeling that if they limited the amount of crap people put on profiles and cut out media linked from outside sources, they'd probably get a huge speed bump. Think about it... Between fetching and drawing the pages that are stored on their servers, they also have to fetch media from outside sources and then draw them up too... that's a lot of runaround. No wonder it's so slow most of the time for people who like things nice and spartan, like me.

The other reason that I'm leaving is that I'm not really into the whole "social networking" thing. I've never been good at making and keeping friends... chalk it up to having a fairly solitary childhood, being shy or being socially inept. I'm not antisocial by any means, but I don't do well in a crowd and interacting with people on a so-called social level generally makes me uncomfortable (because I'm scared of being singled out and harassed).

So... for me, MySpace is a worthless waste of time. If it's for you, great... but don't think less of me because I dislike it. I certainly don't think less of you for having a bunch of useless pictures, songs and videos on your profile pages. To each his own.

Some house pictures...

2007-10-17T20:48:00.001-04:00

Okay, here's a link to my Picasa album. I have put some pictures there and will do more later. Sorry for the quality on some, my hands were a little unsteady (i just got home and hadn't had lunch yet, I sometimes get the shakes when I'm hungry).

enjoy.

What does Jay think?

Without further ado... Philosophy lesson two!

2007-10-17T20:17:00.000-04:00

Okay, so let's get back to brass tacks... erm, philosophy lessons, shall we?

#2 from Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu:

When people see some things as beautiful,
other things become ugly.
When people see some things as good,
other things become bad.

Being and non-being create each other.
Difficult and easy support each other.
Long and short define each other.
High and low depend on each other.
Before and after follow each other.

Therefore the Master
acts without doing anything
and teaches without saying anything.
Things arise and she lets them come;
things disappear and she lets them go.
She has but doesn’t possess,
acts but doesn’t expect.
When her work is done, she forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever.

Well, what do I make of this? I think it has a lot to do with our perception of opposites. I mean, good needs evil to establish itself, right? Night needs Day, Hot needs Cold and so on... We need that opposite, that black versus white (not racially, I mean) relationship to establish our boundaries, the ultimate one being life or death.

Acting without doing or teaching without saying would insinuate that an enlightened individual allows the world to play itself out and any interference into the mechanics of the Tao (the way) would lead to an end that is not for that individual. Making waves on calm water disturbs the balance that once was... sure the water will calm again but who are we to say when?

Know your boundaries, stay within them and try to let the path take you where it goes. Wherever you go, there you are.

I'm back!!

2007-10-10T19:56:00.001-04:00

Okay, I'm back for more... errr, I mean you're back for-.... no, I'm back and I'm going to write more. That's it.

To bring you up to speed, we are in the new house... the commute sucks, but I'm in a good place with work right now, and presently working to become a very well-rounded professional (I know it sounds hokey, but bite me).

That's about it... I live a pretty mundane life now (as if I didn't before).

The philosophy project will be restarted soon... I am also working on another blog project, but it won't be up for a while since I need to really take time to carefully write the content (it's more related to what I do for a living).

Later.

Blogged with Flock

sooo busy!!

2007-08-29T23:09:00.000-04:00

house is ours. finally.

been super busy getting things settled for settlement and now the move. I'll be back sometime in September.

Sorry for the delay in the philosophy lessons.

A new direction for me.

2007-08-19T20:59:00.000-04:00

Don't think I'm going crazy, or that I'm going to be any less of an asshole... but I started flipping through Lao Tzu's The Tao Te Ching. There's a lot of good advise and general wisdom about life in there. I'm going to attempt to analyze a page a day of this text and post my reflections on the passage and how it can relate to my life (or, anyone's). I feel that this can help make the changes I need to make internally, to live a happier and more fulfilling life. Feel free to follow along, you can find it on the 'net if you know where to look, or just go to B&N and get a copy.

Anyhow, here's passage number one:

The tao that can be told
is not the eternal Tao
The name that can be named
is not the eternal Name.

The unnamable is the eternally real.
Naming is the origin
of all particular things.

Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.

Yet mystery and manifestations
arise from the same source.
This source is called darkness.

Darkness within darkness.
The gateway to all understanding.

So... let's think about this from the top down, but first, an explanation as to the meaning of Tao. Tao is often translated as 'way' or 'path'. In this context, it would be presumed that Tao is meant to be life's path.

Assuming that I'm correct, the first stanza would mean that we cannot choose or name our own path through life, for it wouldn't be the true path. Maybe that has been my problem for so long, is that I've tried to create my own destiny when in fact it's pretty much futile.

In doing this, I've lived an existence that has not been entirely happy because I have fought the path designed for me. It's a way that has not been named, but it is real. It's a way that has no particular destination. To free myself from the desire of the path I wanted, means that I will embrace the uncertainty of the future. If I choose to continue to fight destiny and try to make my life the way I wanted it to be, I'd be living a lie - a half-truth of a life.

The wisest thing that I can do is embrace uncertainty. I should become more like waters of a stream, when they encounter an obstacle they flow over or around it. Eventually that obstacle is washed away. The path of least resistance is sometimes the prudent one.

I'm not crazy people... but this is how I feel. If you would like to post your own reflections, go ahead... we can collaborate on this journey toward a more enlightened existence.

Why does this happen?

2007-08-10T20:49:00.000-04:00

... and it seems to only be isolated to Maryland and Delaware, from my experiences...

When on a multi-lane highway some asswipe decides to drive in the far left lane at the posted speed limit.

I could bitch about how some of the maniacs from north of the Mason-Dixon drive at least 20mph over the limit or the crazy lane-changers in late-model luxury imports with blacked-out windows, but my real gripe are these mooks that decide to make the passing lane their own personal path from point A to point B.

That lane is intended for passing... not for people that want to park their cruise control on 65, yanno... 'set it and forget it' like Ron Popeil and his shitty wannabe rotisserie machine. Nothing irks my nerves during my commute more than some schmuck that is preventing me from passing the dump truck spraying dirt and pebbles all over the place or the pickup truck crammed with a half-dozen 'messicans, and so much landscaping equipment that a small bump in the road would handily detach the muffler and quite possibly the rear bumper.

In short: "If you can't keep up, stay the fuck out of the left lane."

Done.

mmmmm... Five Guys.

2007-08-09T21:01:00.000-04:00

I don't care what anyone says... they have the hamburger right.

McDona-who?? Who cares how many burgers the evil cannibal clown named Ronald sold over the past 50 years... they suck.

Burger King? Even Burger Squire would be far too generous a designation for them.

Wendy's?? I love Dave Thomas, God rest his gentle soul, but even The Baconator isn't that tempting (although a #6, plain, medium is still #1 in my heart).

White Castle? nope... there isn't enough bud in this world to convince me that Harold and Kumar were justified in their quest (btw, I pass on grass).

Little Tavern?? Ahhhh... good, but not good enough.

I could go on all night, but why bother? My only point here is that Five Guys serves the best goddamned burgers and fries known to mankind... so good, in fact, that I'm not even inclined to indulge my sweet tooth after consuming one of those heavenly bites of manna. I'm completely satiated.

To my palatte, the burger isn't overcooked or over-seasoned (I HATE overcooked beef, it's actually insulting to me when I hear the phrase 'well done'), nor is it cut with non-meat products. They know how to make the Maillard reaction a beautiful and flavorful thing so that the burger tastes... well... perfect. The atmosphere is even flavorful, the smells of browned beef, peanuts, fries cooking in peanut oil (the only oil with which fries should be cooked), happy people and the shouting staff behind the counter calling orders... it's all how it should be. If you're not hungry by the time you order, you better check your pulse.

I could write a whole entry just on their fries... they're better than anything you can get "downeeohshun, hon."

I'm passionate about a lot of things, food being one of them. I rarely eat fast food, not just on principle but also out of health concerns (it's far healthier, and tastier IMHO, to bag a turkey sammich and apple than eat at those kinds of places on a daily basis). The passion I have for a good burger is plainly obvious, and I'm even proud to say that I can't even make one as good as Five Guys... because it's a total package that you just can't re-create at home.

oh jeez, I forgot again!!

2007-08-03T20:06:00.001-04:00

Sorry, faithful readers... all what, three of you? I've forgotten all about the blog for the past month or so what with all the commotion in my life.

I'm going to put forth a best effort to post at least once a week, especially with the new house (I'll have all kinds of neat shit to show off then!! :D ). That's coming along nicely, btw. We close on 8.28.07, and will probably move that weekend. It's a big step and I'm a little scared but everyone says that are behind Leslee and I, so this is going to work out... even if it means we'll be house poor for a while.

Anyhow...

So, here's a photo of one of my ongoing projects... making the perfect pizza. I must say, I am getting pretty darned good. Who knows, you may be lucky enough to have some soon!! ;)

changes are hard to make...

2007-06-20T20:18:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to change some things right now... being type-A doesn't allow me to be satisfied with the status quo, no matter how good it might be.

Am I trying to improve myself or am I just trying to keep up with the Jones'? I dunno.

What I do know is that I'm still not happy with myself and that my life genuinely is miserable because I'm such an anti-social ass. So, this has to change. It's been a long time coming and I have said that I would change many times before, but this needs to stop before I get too old to change. 'Nuff said about that.

I'm miserable at my job, like every one that I've had before. I think that it's just I've never found anything that makes me genuinely happy, some people doubt I'll ever be happy at work. I don't know about that, I find my work now to just be pointless and custodial... having to cater to everyone else's whim without any thought to what I need to be doing. I feel like a gopher, a whipping-post and a house-slave all rolled up into a 6'6", 350lb package. This is not how I want to earn my living as I approach 30... so, this has to change too.

My grandmother is my muse in all of this... let me explain why.

Grandma is 72 years old... she's had so many things happen to her medically that I could fill a page with the crap I do know about, let alone what she hasn't told me. In the last year, she has broken both wrists, had carpal tunnel surgery, diagnosed with cancer, had major surgery to remove said cancer, undergone aggressive chemotherapy (yep, the cancer again) and finally she broke her left hip.

While in the hospital for the hip, she was so weakened by the chemo that she had 16 blood transfusions in less than a month. Her heart is literally so weak that the team of doctors advised her not to have the surgery on the hip. Being the stubborn old broad that she is (I mean this very lovingly, of course), she went with it... and survived. She made it through the night and then the week, and then two weeks and finally was discharged to a rehab home about a week later. She started walking a few days after arriving and now can walk fairly well with the use of a walker (she probably will have to use it for the rest of her life). She's finally home now, and will continue to progress. I hope that she will walk on her own again, but that's probably not going to happen. She pulled through... the doctors are impressed... I'm just proud of her.

Now, as to why she's my motivation... she is the most determined person I've ever met. Nothing and nobody has been able to stop her, she's like a spiritual freight train. When something moves her to act, she's unstoppable. I see this kind of spirit and it makes me feel like a loser... because I don't have it.

Fortunately, she says you don't have to be born with that kind of determination... you have to learn it. It's tough as hell to do, because it requires tremendous sacrifice and even some pain... but when you come out of it, you're stronger and more capable than ever. Granted, my Grandma is now crippled to a degree... but don't think she isn't trying to get to the point that she can throw that walker aside and move freely on her own. Her spirit is as strong now as it ever was despite her physical condition. I want to be like that. With that kind of strength, I could live life much more fully than I am now (we all could).

Well, it all begins with a single step (especially in Grandma's case)... so, here goes... I'm going to learn how to walk now.

trying to keep motivated

2007-06-04T18:13:00.000-04:00

I've been so busy with work lately that I am starting to feel lazy about other aspects of my life. The worst of the impact has landed on my social life, which is nonexistent at this point. I'm a terrible friend, because I keep making a mental note to keep in touch and then I don't... mainly because I'm exhausted from work. I'm overworked, that's nothing new, since I am a workaholic... but never have I ever been as tired at the end of a day as I am now and the last thing on my mind at night is e-mail or phone calls. I just want to collapse... some nights it takes all I have to eat before I just vegetate or go to bed.

I feel like I can't move forward in my life right now, and it's got me in a terrible rut.

So, I'm trying to keep motivated somehow... I know that nothing in life just drops in my lap and that anything worth having has to come from hard work. I work extremely hard, so, I'm hoping this will pay off someday. I look forward to that day. That's something to motivate me, I guess. It's hard, though, when all that's interesting in your life anymore is work... in fact, it's sad. The new home is coming along nicely, and that's something that takes my mind off of the other crap. My apprehension with finances keep nagging me though, but I can shake that off with the fact that if we couldn't afford this house, NVR wouldn't have approved our loan. The work thing is a motivator as well... because I hate my current situation enough that I'm trying to create opportunities for myself; and, while it isn't paying off right now, I know it's going to in the future, somehow.

I just have to keep going... life will again be enjoyable for me someday.

um, I'm sorry... I forgot

2007-05-30T10:48:00.000-04:00

... that I had a blog. I've been busy lately, a lot of stuff going on. The house is under construction, with a few changes. My grandmother is in the hospital recovering from hip replacement surgery and a bruised ego (I think she's finally learned that it's time to slow down). Work has been super-busy lately and I forsee it only getting busier for me.

That's just a glossing over of the details. I don't really want to get into it all at this time but, I figured I'd pop in and make a post.

Oh, and summer is coming, kids... make sure you're wearing your sunscreen and get some good polarized sunglasses (your eyes need protection too!!).

Random musings...

2007-04-09T21:38:00.000-04:00

Hmmm...

The mortgage is approved... that's a good thing. The house may be done by Aug. 1st, like Chris (sales guy with Ryan Homes) had anticipated, that's even better.

Mary Sue Easter Eggs are too sweet... the peanut butter ones don't hit my peanut butter jones like Reese's.

Leslee keeps bugging me that she has a pimple on her butt.

Nintendo... I don't know what your problem is, but start shipping more Wiis, darn it!! I'm tired of being beat out for one by soccer moms and guys who live in their mom's basement.

I can't type anymore... Leslee is demanding my attention...

Life is good... at least for me.

2007-04-01T23:13:00.000-04:00

Okay, new blog... new mindset... Riiiiiiiight.

I'm still a little bitter, like those of you who know me may remember; and, I like to run my mouth like an ass, but at least now I pick my battles more and try not to raise a few blisters on some peoples' asses for my own amusement as much.

I'm in a stable job, buying a house and trying to live life a little more on an even keel... life's too short to be so pissy all the time... but I have to rant from time to time in order to keep from having a major meltdown one someone.

Some of my old friends aren't doing so well right now... and I'm sad for them, really. I hate to see people I care about to be in pain or lost or just in a rut. At least one of said friends should know, that after our recent meeting... has nothing but total support and love from me and my wife. Like I said, you're living my ultimate nightmare and I hope that your pain will somehow be eased and you can go on living a happy and full life, no matter what tomorrow will bring. We're here for you, bro... sorry that we weren't aware until now.

Another friend is just having a tough time of it with life and some annoying elements that aren't going away and a job that isn't reliable. We've known each other almost half our lives, and even though we've been estranged several times over the last decade but I know you're there and I promise we'll be in touch more often from now on... and that reunion you talked about sounds like a great idea. Really.

I'm sorry that both of these people are having a tough time right now, and I wish I could snap my fingers and make things better... but that's all but impossible and it wouldn't be fair anyhow. To use a line from one of my grandma's sermons "you just have to persevere, God puts these things before you to test you... no matter what you can't give up, because that is how you'll fail."

So, at least for you two... persevere, this too shall come to pass. Remember the good things you have and the people that do care about you and use those as your strength. I know each of you have the strength to make it to sunnier days, and you're always better off than you think. I love you both and you always have my shoulder and my hand if you need them.

Okay... that's enough of me being sappy... I promise I'll have something really nasty next time... >:-D